There’s a big part of us that doesn’t like chaos: We want order and simplicity. We want to feel we’re on top of things. But that’s not how life works. So when things feel chaotic, we scramble for some kind of stability. When we feel overwhelmed and behind, we might beat ourselves up and try to look for a system to get things under control. When someone is upset with us, we might not like the feeling of being judged and the uncertainty about how people see us, and so we might lash out at them or spin around a story for days about how terrible that person is. When plans don’t go how we hoped they would, we feel like we’re on unsteady ground, and we start criticizing ourselves or feeling like we’re doing things wrong and things are out of control. This might bring a lot of stress …