Twitter is not real life, no matter how many followers you have.
For instance, this is no less than the third time in a month that I’ve written about a conservative Twitter user who goes by the name Catturd™ — a sign that, at the very least, Mr. Turd is a person of some importance, despite the fact his avatar is a cartoon cat. He has over a million followers. He’s also hilarious. Respect, therefore, is due.
That said, Mr. Turd is not referred to as Rep. Turd, R-Ill. Nor is he referred to as Rep. Feline Turd, GOP member of the Select Committee to Investigate the January 6th Attack on the United States Capitol.
Adam Kinzinger, at least for the moment, can be referred to in both of those ways. On the scale of relative importance in the American political hierarchy, I’d say the congressman is quite a bit more important than Catturd™.
And yet the Illinois RINO felt the need to take time out of his busy life in order to call Mr. Turd “evil” and literally threaten to beat him up over a Ukraine meme.
So there’s that.
Kinzinger’s response was provoked by Catturd™ quote-tweeting a Monday reply to one of his tweets that featured a man both crying and peeing, producing the blue and yellow colors of the Ukrainian flag.
WARNING: The following tweet contains graphic imagery that some readers will find offensive.
The original tweet had nothing to do with Kinzinger or the Ukraine war, being a reply to a tweet about Apple App Store guru Phil Schiller deleting his Twitter account now that Elon Musk is in charge. The joke, as far as I understand it, involves the leftist crybaby crowd being beloved of any imagery in support of Ukraine. If I’m wrong, what can I say — those meming whippersnappers on the Twitters have passed this decrepit bag of wrinkled flesh by.
Whatever the case, Mr. Turd liked the meme. “It’s dumb that I’m laughing way too hard at this,” he said, tweeting the reply.
Enter Kinzinger, whipped up into a po-faced froth over the image and the retweet.
“Literal evil,” the congressman said. “If I met you in person it would not end well… for you. Sicko.
“Trolls who have never done a thing in their life pretend to be patriots and laugh at real warriors.”
That’s right — “Literal evil!” I tell you, Catturd™ is Vladimir Putin, Idi Amin, Enver Hoxha and all the members of Nickelback wrapped up in one package.
Would you get this upset over a meme?
Also, did you know that Adam Kinzinger is a veteran? Because Adam Kinzinger is a veteran. He’s more veterany than a veteran in Philadelphia’s Veteran’s Stadium on Veteran’s Day with a veterinarian by his side. Just listen to Adam Kinzinger for 30 seconds and he’ll be sure to drop a hint that he’s a “veteran,” “patriot” or “warrior.”
Don’t get me wrong, thanks for your service and all — but that neither makes you a) right or b) a moral authority on issues other than military service.
Note that Kinzinger is still a sitting U.S. representative — albeit a soon-to-be-former one, having wisely decided not to run in 2022 — and a man who constantly attacked former President Donald Trump for being unpresidential. And here he is, threatening to beat up a man going by the pseudonym (I cannot emphasize this enough) Catturd™. Although, quite frankly, if I were named Adam Kinzinger, I’d probably consider the moniker an upgrade these days.
Conservatives duly pounced:
Catturd™ pounced, as well. Because, you know, that’s what cats do:
Kinzinger is a man who needs a nice, long rest — but my guess is that’s the last thing he’ll do. A hundred bucks says he leaves Congress and the Democrat-run absurdity that is the Jan. 6 committee to take a commentator role at MSNBC; CNN’s a little too right-wing for him, after all.
Another crisp Benjamin says the lachrymose Kinzinger breaks down crying on air at least twice during his first year in the role, just like he did during a Jan. 6 committee hearing.
Eventually, fellow Jan. 6 committee Republican Rep. Liz Cheney will pre-emptively name him as her prospective running mate if she wins the GOP presidential nomination we all know she’s going to run for.
He’ll easily double her standing in the polls from 0 percent to 0 percent by railing against the literal evils that are Donald Trump, other Republicans without the surnames Cheney and Kinzinger, and Twitterers using pseudonyms derived from a slang term for feline poop.
Meanwhile, Catturd™ will continue being outrageously funny, which Kinzinger has never intentionally been.
The winner, by first-round knockout: Mr. Turd.
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